Thoughts on "Rules"

My son has always been very tolerant of my choices in Islam - or so it appears. He innocently asks me questions which I then try to answer. At the end of the conversation, he replied to me "You guys have so many rules!" Most of my family and friends accept the choices I have made for myself - but at the end of the day - they all believe the same thing...why? Why choose a life for yourself - a harder one - that is apparently restricting, demanding and tiring?

Recently, I came across some comments on another blog, and the sisters had admitted - yes, Islam, for them, is very hard.

And even me - in dark moments - I have asked myself... why? Not, why Islam, because the fact is, I know it is the truth. I felt it was the truth before I knew very much about it. Islam, however, is not just a system of beliefs. It is a system of actions. And in order to get the "peace" (salam - from Islam) we must submit. We must bow. We must serve others. Give of ourselves as much as possible and limit ourselves - or our desires from that which it craves (dunya) to acquire truth, knowledge, light... Islam.

Think about a child - without parents. He would roam the streets, be wild, like an animal. Follow his desires - for play, sweets, doing whatever he chose.. based on what? His nafs? Why? Because that is his instinct really. No one TAUGHT him to behave differently. He would probably feel there is a higher purpose... but no idea how to get there. That is the reason, no matter how much we want to rebel against our parents, our society, our religion... to learn proper behaviour, etiquette, humbleness, piousness, righteousness - character ... all of this requires discipline and training.

Nothing really good can be achieved without hard work and sacrifice.

So... back to my point. Sometimes, in my dark hours, I have asked myself.. why I make things hard on myself. Why I chose to wear niqab instead of hijab? Why I chose to study Arabic - as there are so many Muslims who don't. Why I have so many rules?

Then it hits me once again. I was once that un-behaved child. A kaffer really. Although I always believed in the oneness of God, I did nothing for His sake. I did everything for my own sake. Yes, I went to school and raised my son the best I could. As a human being that was expected of me. But, I didn't follow a religion. I did whatever I wanted.. and who could stop me? Really?

When I think about it now, I remember. Oh yes I remember. Years like that... I became empty. Purposeless. Hollow. Dark. Depressed. You name it - I felt it.

Recently I came across someone who identified as an atheist. It gutted me really, to hear that. All I could think was how meaningless life becomes if you take out every ounce of pure faith. How shallow a shell we are without eman.

The point is, I was once a person who could do whatever she liked. And I did. And it was much, much worse than working hard, and having so many rules.

The reason I have so many rules is to shape me into the person I need to be. Without it, I am like that parentless child, left to roam the streets in pursuit of nothing but moment to moment satisfaction. I know that person. That wild animal. I remember it well.

When I learned about Islam, the one thing which drew me the most was the discipline. The strength of the believer. Overcoming the animalistic instincts and becoming purposeful.

Some people would argue that being successful in their family, careers or wealth is purposeful. But one look at the more than average failures of Hollywood personalities shows you the truth if you are willing to admit it. How many celebrities have died in their pursuit of pleasure? Fame? Fortune?

Look at the most recent tragedy of Michael Jackson. SubhanAllah... it is heartbreaking, if one could just put yourself into his life for a moment. Imagine how spiritually bankrupt you would have to be to stumble the way he had?

The way I see it now, is this: Islam is just the beginning. It is knowledge. A roadmap, if you will - to truth and everlasting success.

If you know the truth in what is behind you (emptiness, lonliness, darkness...) and the fact that no matter how hard you try to achieve, accumulate, and succeed, you are still left feeling - a gap. Then suddenly you are given this roadmap... does it not make sense to steer clear of all the detours?

Yes, I have a lot of rules. And yes it is hard. But inside I am still fulfilled, knowing I am doing the right things. On the right path. Seeking the pleasure of Allah.

I still try to enjoy my life - within the halal boundaries. With the well-lit, easy to follow road. Going into the gray areas - not so well lit - might then lead me astray once again to a completely unexpected, very dark detour.

No, I found the map. The road. The siratal mustaqeem. It IS all laid out for me in the Quran and Sunnah and the steps of the pious predecessors. Now, all I have to do? Follow the rules!